Ever cried out “Why Me!” when something in your life goes wrong?
What happens when we take an event in our lives – or someone else’s – and then, by the way we think, we exaggerate the negative effect on our lives?
“Why did this have to happen to me?” “What have I done to deserve this?” “Everything was going so well … until this happened. Now nothing can ever be the same again.” “Why me!”
Let’s say it’s an unexpected health problem. Do you find yourself thinking…….
“I know other people don’t look after themselves, they eat junk food, they smoke and drink, so they deserve to get sick, but not me … I eat healthy food … maybe other people don’t take exercise, but I work out every day. It’s their own fault, but not me… “
Or maybe you have a financial issue and you think “I control my money very well……maybe other people don’t make a budget and watch expenditures, so if they have a financial disaster I can understand it but why me; I am so careful.” Or “Maybe other people don’t treat their partners well, and so they deserve to be cheated on , but not me, I’m a good person…” and on it goes.
We justify to ourselves how unfair it is that calamity or tragedy struck us, and that we absolutely do not deserve it. We allow our anxiety to multiply ten times over, not only because of the event itself and the unforeseeable changes it has necessarily brought to our lives but we dwell on all the negative aspects of it. Of course, if you have received a diagnosis of cancer, or lost your partner, or your savings, or your job, it would be hard to find something positive to say about it at the time.
Does asking “Why me” actually help?
Isn’t it true that some people seem to cope? They chose to treat setbacks as opportunities?
My practice brings me in touch with many people telling me about something terrible in their lives. Their stories are often tragic, filled with pain, sorrow, desperation, anger, guilt, resentment, jealousy, loss, disillusion, and fear. My heart goes out to them … not so much because of the content of their stories, but because they don’t have to stay feeling this way, and learning and understanding the truth of that statement is frequently one of the hardest things I ask my clients to do. But once they grasp it, life becomes infinitely easier.
So what is the alternative to feeling this way; to having this wrenching pain in your life?
How To Go About Having a Choice
When you are filled with pain or any of those other dreadful emotions, you are obviously feeling miserable, wishing things were different, bemoaning your fate, or trying desperately to figure the way out of the situation.
Now imagine just for an instant that you could fill your mind with other thoughts. Not because you “pretend” to yourself that the hard thoughts are no longer there, and not because you “control” the hard thoughts or difficult feelings, and not because you “suppress” the hard thoughts, or anything along those lines. Quite the contrary, doing all that will simply keep the painful thoughts in the foreground of your mind. But suppose you would fill your mind with other thoughts – not because you can learn to eradicate these hard thoughts, but because you choose to think other soothing thoughts.
Choose To Think Other Thoughts
I can hear you now! “Choose to think other thoughts? How can I choose? I have to think these thoughts if I have any of these problems, because I have to try to resolve them, or get over them. I have no choice in the matter until the problem is gone.”
This is the truth: While you fill your mind with stressful thoughts you cannot resolve your problems. You won’t be able to because your mind is too flooded with stress chemicals. When you have a sudden emergency that is what happens. You are programmed just to react, quickly and without taking the time your conscious mind needs to make sense of a situation. It is not a coincidence we say that we need to relax to resolve our problems, and to “sleep on it”. That gives us ‘happy chemicals’ and gives our intelligent brain the room to work it out.
To start winding your anxiety down consider the fact that if you want to resolve the problem, you probably have already done all that you can to do … at least for today. Therefore, continuing to think about it serves no purpose. It might, as a matter of fact, be considered a waste of time. A waste of valuable time that you could be using to choose to get your brain in a proper state to do what it does best – looking after you. So make your day good, joyous, and filled with satisfaction.
How can you do that? Well my next post will explain how we can stop wallowing in our own pain and choose to put ourselves in a better place, a better frame of mind, a place where we can stop dwelling and start solving.
Are you struggling with a thought pattern? Do you need help or advice. Drop me an e mail and ask, it may well help.
With every good wish for your health and happiness
Tony
© Copyright 2012 http://thelifedesignstudio.com, why me
